In Defense of Lizard Radio: The Quest for Explanation (Contains Spoilers!)

Lizard Radio by Pat Schmatz was a book most accurately described as weird as hell. Kivali, a gender nonconforming teen labeled a "bender", is forced to attend a mandatory government run agricultural camp that turns teenagers into good, conformist citizens. She has links to lizards in her past- she was left on the doorstep of her foster mom wrapped in a t-shirt with a lizard on it, and can connect to what she calls the "lizard radio" while in a trance state. The book tells her journey in the camp and her struggles to remain herself even while the program is attempts to reduce everything about her to an "either-or". 

Schmatz appears to be a fan of minimalist explanations right off the bat- Lizard Radio is one of those sci-fi books that throws readers right in to figure out its futuristic vocabulary from context clues. React to that fact as you will. The audience is then confronted with mystery after mystery as the narrative progresses.

[The rest of this post contains *MAJOR SPOILERS* related to the ending and resolution of the novel]

In the end, only some of these mysteries are actually explained. Basically, we don't know how a lot of the story world works or why certain phenomena occur; mysterious things are still happening and the readers never find out how or why. The alternative resolutions relate to Kivali's perspective on the things no one truly understands and the personal choices she makes in the face of cosmic uncertainty. 

This resolution frustrates a lot of people, and I'm well aware of that fact. But I must admit that I love it specifically for its vague confusion and lack of explanation. The thing is, we often go to literature looking for all of the answers. That's the nice thing about books. Much of the time, problems are wrapped up- we all hope with a neat little bow- and the protagonists know everything relevant there is to know about their universe. Spoiler Alert: that doesn't happen here. There will be mysteries remaining at the end of Kivali's journey, and the real changes happen regarding her perspective on these mysteries. It isn't important for her to have all of the answers because she no longer needs them. Regardless of what happens to those who "vape" into the sky, Kivali eventually realizes that obsessing over potential actions that could cause a "vape" isn't worth it, and everything the government puts its citizens through to prevent disappearances has done nothing but make her and the people she loves miserable. At the end of the story, if she knew a surefire way to prevent/cause vapes, would she employ it or simply live life in a way that made her happy? We don't know, but it seems like she wouldn't.

Especially because this book reads as a little bit of a love letter to gender nonconforming teens (who don't get many love letters!), it felt appropriate that it left me with a bit of confusion. Life isn't wrapped up with a neat little bow. Life is full of confusion, and especially so for many gender nonconforming teens. Scientifically speaking, there are many real life questions that we simply don't have answers to. We don't have explanations for all of the relevant questions in our universe, so is it acceptable for authors to leave some mysteries floating in the cosmos?

I think so. In fact, I think that the lessons Kivali learns are extremely applicable to real life. In the Lizard Radio universe, a citizen can spend every day of their life fearing the day they're taken into the sky, or look forward to it (even going as far as to encourage it). One can work as hard as possible to prevent it from happening to them. But regardless of one's perspective on the matter, it could still happen. So is it worth it for them to let that fear prevent them from living the way they want to?

Even though death and the fear of it still lingers in Lizard Radio, these lessons are applicable to our fear of death. It's also applicable to nonconformism. Although the characters have much more to fear from nonconformance than we do, facing judgement, punishment, and potentially "vaping" as a result of deviance from societal binaries, it can be interpreted that even though real life nonconformance is discouraged and faced with judgement, the consequences of that nonconformance might be very worth being able to live the way you want to. The main message I interpret is that fear isn't a good box to put yourself in, and you shouldn't let it restrict your free will, and I'm willing to cope with a few unsolved mysteries in order to see this message so beautifully put.

What do you think? Am I misinterpreting the resolution of the novel, and have I got it all wrong? Do you agree that cosmic uncertainty is acceptable in literature, or do you read expecting full explanations? Let me know in the comments!

Houston, we have a representation problem in LGBT+ YA...

Please don't get me wrong, I really do love that LGBT+ literature is trickling into mainstream culture. I appreciate the fact that straight, cisgender authors are making an effort to include diversity in their books, and I truly applaud that. But it causes me concern that the vast majority of the popular new representation features cisgender queer men and is severely lacking in #ownvoices authors.

Most of the popular LGBT+ books in mainstream YA right now were written by women and yet feature M/M couples. This frustrates me because I've heard multiple people post about how they're "obsessed with gay romance" who've never read any books featuring lesbians or trans people, much less #ownvoices literature.

A short list of the main novels featuring LGBT+ characters that I've seen hyped in literary circles:

 

Jandy Nelson's I'll Give You the Sun - Rainbow Rowell's Carry On - Maggie Stiefvater's The Raven King

Becky Albertalli's Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda - Benjamin Alire Sáenz's Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe - Cassandra Clare's City of Bones

Individual Gay Young Men Count: 8 (if I'm doing this correctly)

Individual Lesbian Count: 0

Bisexual Young Men Count: 3

Bisexual Young Women Count: 0

Guys With Undefined Sexualities Count: 1

Gals With Undefined Sexualities Count: 0

Trans Character Count: 0

M/M Couples Count: 5

F/F Couples Count: 0

Explicitly Stated QPOC: 3 (if I remember correctly- please correct me if I'm wrong)

#ownvoices Count: 1/6 (I'm giving Benjamin Alire Sáenz this one for being a Latino author)

Authors Who Are Not Gay Men: 5/6, 1/6 unknown

Authors Who Are Women Writing About Gay Men: 5/6

I understand that authors are writing these characters with only the best intentions, and I'm not attacking these authors. I'm not saying that you shouldn't read, buy, and hype their awesome books. I've read and adore most of this list. Yet I cannot deny that this genre has become so male-centric, even while it is dominated by female authors. How did this happen? Why is it that when authors, even female authors, look to add LGBT+ representation they primarily reach for cisgender queer men (usually white men)?

Coming back to some of the self-professed book nerds I've witnessed who have read most of these but never touched a lesbian romance, this worries me. There are many theories about this, all of them kind of worrying. First off, this can give many literary circles a sense of complacency. Yes, we're currently surrounded by representation- but there are so many LGBT+ people who don't see themselves in the current lineup of popular LGBT+ books. Also, it makes me worry that readers (and possibly some authors) are fetishizing gay men. Of course, I could probably get another whole post out of writing about this, but to get the point across: if you write or consume literature, what draws you to M/M relationships so much? If you're straight but "obsessed with gay romance," what is it that draws you to that genre? Why do you like reading about M/M relationships so much? Why not F/F relationships?

Chances are that you haven't heard of many books featuring lesbians, WLW (women-loving-women), and trans people. You might not have seen these underrepresented people in the media, or know any in real life. It might be that gay men are the very first people who come to mind when you think "LGBT+" (and if that's the case, you need to work on that). Possibly lesbians might make you uncomfortable, or maybe you find it easier to read/write about gay men- which is something you'll need to get over. Heck, I don't have all the answers. I'm mainly here to talk about the fact that we have a problem, and I hope you're starting to realize that too.

This isn't the fault of any one person. But we're turning a blind eye to the desperately needed representation of queer people of color, WLW, and trans people, whether deliberately or subconsciously.

Ok, at this point I'm self-aware enough to know that a lot of this is whining. Yes, I'm whining. I'm frustrated, and I'm afraid that people consuming mainstream literature are starting to fetishize gay men. If I've frustrated you, or you're scared too, or even if you disagree- I challenge you to do better. Write better, read better, and hype better, please!

This isn't a problem we can't solve, even if the causes aren't clear. All of us can make an effort to read and recommend more of the YA lit that features queer women, QPOC and trans people. We can encourage authors to write diverse narratives that go beyond featuring white gay men, and praise authors who do. We can write better LGBT+ representation, and we can write our own narratives.

We can do better.

Write better.

Read better.

Hype better.

Thank you for reading.

Edit: I will be following this up with a queer #ownvoices list, if you would like my help diversifying your reading list (which I hope you do!).

Top 10 Tuesday: Books That Have Under 2,000 Ratings On Goodreads

This week, I'm participating in Top 10 Tuesday, which is a weekly meme created by The Broke and the Bookish.

The challenge proved to be harder than I initially thought it would be- I originally thought I would have no problem finding 10 of these. But after looking at my Goodreads account, I found quite a few books with <2000 ratings that I would prefer stay in the abyss of obscurity and not quite enough lovable, obscure books. Apparently I don't read as many super unknown books as I thought I did? So, rather than share a bunch of books that I really don't like, I've supplemented this list with some books that have more ratings than specified, but these all have <5000 ratings. For simplicity's sake, this list doesn't include comics that would qualify.

Here are the books!

Top 6 Books That Have Under 2,000 ratings

1. Silhouette of a Sparrow by Molly Beth Griffin was an absolute gem. It's historical, it's cute, it's woman-centered, and it stars two young lesbians without being creepy or age-gappy! Seriously, there are like two men in the entire novel and about a million awesome female characters. It can be a little cheesy at times, but it's quite a lovely coming-of-age novel and very underrated.

2. Dust City by Robert Paul Weston has been a favorite of mine since I was young. If you like fairy tale retellings, especially with dark twists, this is for you. What happens when the magic starts to run out in a happily-ever-after world? This novel will show you, and might shock you. It has a really cool vaguely post-apocalyptic setting with a lovable protagonist and isn't super sad.

3. Through the Dark by Alexandra Bracken is a collection of novellas that I read courtesy of the wonderful Clara @ Lost in My Library, and it made me cry. Multiple times. I do not recommend reading this while you're trapped on a bus with 30 other teenagers for the next 8 hours, but I do highly recommend reading this sometime (preferably at home with a blanket and/or a small animal). This collection is absolutely beautiful and poignant- a perfect extension of the intricate, heartbreaking world developed in the The Darkest Minds series. 

4. Hurt Go Happy by Ginny Rorby is cute and sad and beautiful and you should read it. It's kind of a coming of age novel that features a deaf girl navigating life, friendship, and tragedy while learning her own identity. It is pretty sad, but the kind of bittersweet sad that made me reflect about life instead of inconsolably sobbing for several hours. It's really great, trust me.

5. Lizard Radio by Pat Schmatz is a book I've posted about before, and I'll post about it again because it's super cool. Did someone say surrealist science fiction? This novel is definitely trippy and not for everyone, but one of very few YA books with gender nonconforming protagonists. There's also a great message and a hopeful ending, helping to create an absolutely unique and unforgettable adventure.

6. Willful Machines by Tim Floreen has one of the most unique premises I've seen lately, featuring a whole host of ethical questions with a great gay romance. Also, dystopian robots. Just, dystopian robots. What more could one want in a novel beyond gays and dystopian robots?

Honorable Mentions (slightly above 2,000 ratings but still underrated and great):

7. Love in the Time of Global Warming by Francesca Lia Block has quite a few haters, but I don't love it any less. Yes, it is a flawed book. Yes, it is slightly confusing. Yes, please stop bashing it. I loved this book for its adorable yet courageous crew of queer kids on a roadtrip mission to survive the surrealist apocalyse. Think Mad Max crossed with Percy Jackson and made a thousand times gayer. It's kind of trippy, and the magical realism tends to frustrate many readers, but don't take anything too seriously and just accept the story world and you should be ok. This book also inspired the title of my blog (non sum qualis eram) and holds a very dear place in my heart. It has a beautiful cover and one of the few positive, non-invasive portrayals of a trans guy in YA Lit, and I just love it so, so much.

8. Beautiful Music for Ugly Children by Kirstin Cronn-Mills is another one of those precious positive portrayals of trans guys in YA. I read it last summer and loved it a lot. There were a few things that definitely irked me as a trans person, but it was a very cute and positive coming-of-age story with a quite satisfying ending.

9. Gabi, a Girl in Pieces by Isabel Quintero is an intersectional feminist powerhouse and chock full of girlpower. Gabi attempts to survive senior year while the world throws challenge after challenge her way. Poetry, family, and friendship are her rocks. There is a lot of serious content in this book, and it's presented in a light way but still some very heavy stuff. However, it has a beautiful ending that makes the entire book worth reading.

10. Lies We Tell Ourselves by Robin Talley is another fabulous book I owe to Clara @ Lost in My Library. It's  a bittersweet book, and doesn't flinch away from the time period it's set in. Two girls slowly fall in love despite the obstacles that the time of school desegregation throws at them. Admittedly, one girl is facing quite a few more obstacles, and this novel describes them in vivid detail. This book will not be easy to read, but it will be worth it.

June Wrap-Up!

This month was kind of busy, but I managed to read more in June than I had in all of the previous months of 2016 put together! I'm kind of proud of that. This was also a pretty diverse month, with my usual LGBT+/Intersectionality blog theme, some children's lit, historical fiction, fantasy, and a teen romance (along with others!).

So, without further ado, here are the books!


  

In this cluster, we have my usual genre: queer people and/or intersectionality. This month was kind of hit or miss, split 50/50.

More Happy Than Not by Adam Silvera was a trip. I did a full review with all of my thoughts, but in short, this was an Important Book. There were so many issues addressed, but I didn't like the simplistic plot, lack of detail, or stunningly realistic horny teenagers. 3/5

Lizard Radio by Pat Schmatz was a book most accurately described as weird as hell. Kivali is a gender nonconforming teen who goes to a mandatory government run agricultural camp that makes teenagers into good, conformist citizens. She has links to lizards in her past- she was left on the doorstep of her foster mom wrapped in a t-shirt with a lizard on it, and can connect to what she calls the "lizard radio" while in a trance state. The book tells her journey in the camp and her struggles to remain herself even while the program is attempts to reduce everything about her to an "either-or". There was a lot that wasn't explained, but has a great message. It read as a bit of a love letter to gender nonconforming teenagers, and I can definitely appreciate that. 4/5 and made me tear up a lil.

Away We Go by Emil Ostrovski was kind of a disappointment. Noah Falls goes to a school for quarantined terminally ill teenagers, and sorts out his sexuality issues along the way. It was a cool concept. The execution was not for me. It was so pretentious. So, so pretentious. I don't even want to talk about how pretentious it was, while also being awful. There was some writing that I thought was kind of shoddy. Also, the timeline was weird and skippy and hard to follow. Overall a 2/5

Gabi, A Girl in Pieces by Isabel Quintero features a Mexican-American teen named Gabi navigating her senior year of high school. She's dealing with the whole package: body image issues, poverty, college applications, a meth-addict father, a born-again aunt, controlling mom, and a whole host of other issues. Luckily, she has poetry and girl power on her side. There were some things about this that I wasn't a fan of, but the ending will leave you so very proud. Please read it and talk to me about the beautiful ending. 4/5 and made me laugh/made me swell with pride.

 

This month, I also started on a bit of a children's lit kick with A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket. I never read these when I was younger, and I'm kind of sad because younger me would have loved this series. I'm still a little skeptical about the fact that the series is based purely off of "bad things happen to a group of kids who don't deserve it" and the straight-up child abuse in the first book was painful to read, but Snicket's wit is absolutely unparalleled. 3.5 and made me giggle.

 

Balanced by Lemony Snicket's humor was my "serious shit" pile, containing these two books.

Salt to the Sea by Ruta Sepetys turned out to be a breath of fresh air and an absolutely stunning WWII novel. The sensory detail is impeccable, and Sepetys writes an incredible cast of characters who you will love, despise, and/or never stop worrying about. This turned out to be an incredibly beautiful and touching novel, and made me cry multiple times. As many WWII novels do, it had a bittersweet ending, but a quite appropriate one. 4/5 and made me cry.

Girls Like Us by Gail Giles was another disappointment. It had a great concept- two girls age out of their school's special education program and end up in the same apartment, becoming unlikely friends. Nope. Nope nope nope. Don't read this one. Actually, read this one if you want so you can rant with me. So much went wrong here. The dialect the girls spoke in was almost exactly the same for both characters and also incredibly insulting! There's more, but I'm keeping this brief. Full review to come? 1/5

 

Because I can't just leave you with that, I also read some slightly lighter fare ranging from popular young adult to Marvel to stereotypical adolescent girl reading. Here we go!

Winter by Marissa Meyer was a shining example of how to end a series with a bang. It was so long- intimidatingly so- and very worth the long haul. None of my fears came true, with plot twists that I genuinely hadn't thought about around every corner culminating in a truly satisfying ending. 5/5 for being everything I hoped for and more.

Captain Marvel Vol. 2: Stay Fly by Kelly Sue DeConnick was so darn cute. The Guardians of the Galaxy tie-in made my day. Also, it's going to take me weeks to get over all of the cat stuff. Like, look at that cover. Is that cover not life goals? 5/5 and made me laugh.

What Happened to Goodbye was my first ever Sarah Dessen, and I was skeptical but pleasantly surprised. It wasn't totally my cup of tea, but I thought it was worth reading. There were some great life lessons and teaching moments. I was really worried that this was going to be a stereotypical cringey romance, and it wasn't! Overall a good light read about friendship, family, personal identity, and when to move on (or not) with a cute boy on the side. 3.5/5

So, that's a wrap. 11 books! Here's to a great summer with even more books.

What have you been reading this summer? Do you have any favorite books so far?

Review: More Happy Than Not

Title: More Happy Than Not
Author: Adam Silvera

Series: None
Length: 293 Pages 
Published by: Soho Teen
Publication Date: February 7, 2012 
Diversity: LGBT+ protagonist, LGBT+ romantic interest, main characters are POC, heavy exploration of socioeconomic class divisions, deals heavily with mental illness, intersectional #ownvoices
Rating: ★★★✩✩

(This information is regarding the print version. I read this as an ebook through Axis 360, which is an eBook lending application that I highly recommend using if your library participates in it!)

       I'm going to preface this by saying that I've read some pretty fucked up books in my 17 years, and this one takes the cake. More Happy Than Not is a heavy book from multiple angles. It's about an impoverished teenager named Aaron Soto who inhabits a housing project in the Bronx, where his family has lived for years. He rents a tiny apartment with his mom and brother where they all try their best to get by, surrounded by the community they have been a part of for as long as Aaron can remember. He's been going through some pretty rough stuff after his father's suicide and his own attempt on his life, but he's finally moving forward. After Aaron makes a connection outside his project, it creates tension between him and his friends, and as their friendship develops, tension between Aaron and his endlessly supportive girlfriend. Eventually, his feelings about Thomas get so mixed up that he decides his only hope for a normal life is an experimental memory-alteration procedure. 

     There's not much further I can go without spoiling some things, but some pretty fucked up stuff happens later on. This book deals with quite a few serious subjects, including mental illness, grief, poverty, violence, and hate crimes. The commentary gets pretty sophisticated at some points, especially considering that Aaron's internal monologue is often focused on what he can and cannot afford- the socioeconomic commentary is almost nonstop.

      

     However, the writing style of More Happy Than Not was something I really disliked. There was absolutely no fluff, and I don't really remember it being anything but literal. Much of the book didn't feel real, and I didn't ever feel truly present in the setting. The writing consisted mainly of dialogue, Aaron's internal monologue, and sex mentions. Occasionally Aaron would get a little poetic over his love for others, but that was the maximum amount of fluff. I know I complain when novels have too much sensory detail, but this one just didn't have enough for me. It felt a little too simplistic, although that worked in its favor by making the novel easily understood. If you prefer a minimal-frills writing style, you'll probably love this aspect.

     Additionally, some of the plot seemed a little simplistic and a tad bit campy. Even with the plot twists, it went in a pretty simple sequence of events. It was pretty fixated on one certain event from the past, and everything stemmed from That Traumatic Event even when it didn't quite make sense to me that 2 + 2 = eternal manpain. Oh, and there's a lot of manpain. It was pretty well-justified trauma, but still quite a bit of mainpain.

     One thing that worked both for and against this novel was the realism of the teenage boys. Most of the major characters are stereotypical teenage boys and depicted as such. Much of the novel was centered around teenage boys, and the realism was impeccable, from what I know of stereotypical horny teenagers. That said, they talk about sex ALL THE TIME. I got SO TIRED of hearing the guys talk about banging throughout the entire first third of the book. After a while, I became kind of numb to all of the casual mentions of DICK. There's no actual smut, but if sex mentions make you uncomfortable this may not be the book for you.

    Overall, this was an Important Book. Just like The Miseducation of Cameron Post, I may not have liked More Happy Than Not, but am glad that it exists, even if it felt kind of campy to me. Don't let my issues with this book discourage you from reading it if it sounds like your cup of tea. I would recommend it if you're looking for a book with an LGBT+ protagonist that's uncommonly dark with extremely sophisticated commentary and a minimalist writing style. Additionally, this is an intersectional #ownvoices book- here's a link to Adam Silvera's page on Goodreads! More Happy Than Not is not a book for everyone, and it's not one of the most fluffy or happy books I've ever read, but feel free to give it a shot and tell me what you think!

Update: Graduation

Yes, I'm officially done with high school. And in the typical fashion that I run this blog, I'm letting you know almost 10 days later. Well, that's hopefully going to change. Now that I technically have no excuses, I'm going to actually post regularly. Feel free to call me out on this at any point. Thanks for bearing with me.

Book Review: The Miseducation of Cameron Post

 

     

Title: The Miseducation of Cameron Post
Author: Emily M. Danforth

Series: None
Length: 470 pages 
Published by: Balzer + Bray
Publication Date: February 7, 2012 
Diversity: LGBT+ protagonist, LGBT+ romantic interest(s), Native American minor character, minor character is an amputee, Bechdel Test, Mako Mori Test
Rating: ★★★✩✩

    This is one of those books that I heard talked about mostly in the context of "This is an Important Book,". It's about a girl living in rural Montana coping with the death of her parents while surviving as a lesbian surrounded by narrow religious folks. She does alright with it... Until Aunt Ruth finds out. Now, I don't normally read books just because they're Important, so I mainly read The Miseducation of Cameron Post because, if we're being honest, I'll take almost any LGBT book that I can find, especially one with no queer deaths. The shortest way I can manage to describe it is as a doozy of a novel.

     

     The frustrating this about this book was that it was just so long. More than a third of the book leads up to the main story, which is the part mentioned in the synopsis. While the exposition was incredibly poetic and beautifully written, it felt tedious after a 100 or so pages. The first half moved almost painfully slowly, especially because I knew what was inevitably going to happen. There was kind of an odd disconnect in the fact that the synopsis made the conversion camp sound like the main point of the book while I was making my way through pages and pages of exposition, just waiting for the bad things to happen. Admittedly, Emily M. Danforth's dreamy description of Cameron Post's childhood and adolescence made me almost want to be a rural Montana lesbian breaking the law with her attractive cowgirl girlfriend, but as I waited and waited for Aunt Ruth to find out, the dramatic irony got really tiresome.

    

     While there were many aspects of this novel that I disliked, it would be an insult to the book to not mention the absolutely beautiful writing style. Although it feels excessively detailed at many points, the writing is full of intricate sensory descriptions and Cameron's point of view is very detailed. For the most part, it doesn't feel flowery or fluffy- much of it is incredibly simplistic. Much of the first half of the book felt almost impressionistic, despite its volume. Particularly during the portions covering Cameron's childhood, it was impossible to not feel present in Danforth's visualization. 

   In my opinion, Danforth also excelled at painting characters who managed to be both realistic and absurd. This made the second half of the novel worth it for me. From Jamie to Jane, and Viking Erin to Adam, this book contained a host of genuinely likable (as well as not-so-likable) characters. The pure absurdity of many of the characters detracted from some of the realism of the story, but in a good way, providing welcome relief from some of the more serious events of the second half.

   The Miseducation of Cameron Post was not a bad read, but the lengthy exposition really killed it for me. It would have been less of a tedious process had the exposition been shorter. However, it has definite literary merit and is worth checking out. If you're looking to read this purely for the subject matter of conversion therapy, don't. You'll be frustrated by the extensive storytelling in Cameron's lengthy childhood and adolescence. But anyone willing to press through the slow-moving plot in order to uncover a host of wonderful characters will likely find many things to appreciate in this emotional book.

(Warning: If you have major issues with body horror and/or descriptions of blood, there is an incident in the last third of the book that you might find distressing. Feel free to contact me if you're concerned.)